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Wednesday, February 14, 2018

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman


We were scheduled to visit the Ocean Park Adventure during our second day in Hong Kong. It was the first attraction on our itinerary. I booked the said theme park months ago via Klook and we were given instructions on where to wait for the bus that would take us to Ocean Park.

Since the meeting place was just about 15 minutes away from where we stay, I thought it would be easy to go there even without a mobile internet connection. I thought it would be nice to do it the traditional way - to ask around from people. I was so wrong.

Ten minutes before the agreed meet up time, we were still trying to locate the place. We've asked a bunch of people but due to the language barrier, it took us a long time to finally get to the right place. Thankfully, we still got to the place on time. The fun part of traveling - to get lost! Almost. LOL!

This encounter reminds us of the importance of speaking the right language, otherwise, people will not understand us.

Last year, I got to finish reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It's a few of the books I was able to finish reading, haha. 'Coz like what I mentioned before, I am not a wild reader. However, I'm trying to read from time to time.

Since people celebrate Valentines Day today, I was reminded of Gary Chapman's book The 5 Love Languages that I read last year and I thought it's timely that I write a post about it.

THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES
Back when I was in grade school, I saw this book but didn't really care as I was still young. It never really caught my attention but I would hear my mother tell my father, "O, ang love tank, ang love tank!" from time to time. I didn't understand what she meant by that but she, later on, explained it to me. Love tank is like an imaginary tank that we which we have to fill by doing our partner's love language so that they feel loved by us. Now that I am both a wife and a mother, I'm glad I got to read this book.

The importance of speaking the right language
Let's go back to our experience in Hong Kong. I know people wanted to help us out but because we were not speaking the right language, they were unable to do so. Not only that, we were also not pronouncing the words right so that made it even harder.

I've had many encounters in the past where I'm with people who are speaking a different language or dialect. Even though I wanna fit in, because I couldn't understand them, I would feel so left out and out of place. It's an awkward feeling.

This is what Gary Chapman wanted to emphasize in this book. You can have a good intention towards your partner but if you are not speaking the right "love language", it's worthless.

So what are these love languages? They are:

     - Words of Affirmation. This love language uses words to affirm other people.
     - Acts of Service. For people with this love language, action speaks louder than words.
     - Receiving Gifts. Other people feel most loved when they receive gifts from their spouse or partners.
     - Quality Time. Quality time is a love language where people feel loved the most when they get an undivided attention from their partners.
     - Physical Touch. For people with this kind of love language, appropriate touch is most important as a way to express love.

We all have all of these love languages in us but there will be at least one or two out of these that will stand out - when our partner speaks that kind of love language, we feel loved the most. Each of these love languages still has different "dialects" that only the writer can explain adequately. :)

So we may be giving all the material things to our partner but if his or her love language is quality time, he or she may not appreciate your efforts which can lead to resentment on your part as you would feel unappreciated.

The same goes when your partner is doing acts of service to you but if your love language is receiving gifts, that may not work very well either. You see, you are both trying to show that you love each other by doing the things you thought is how a love is shown but if you're not expressing love the way he or he understands, there'll be miscommunications.

So how do we know what our love language really is? 
Here's a quick love language test from the 5 Love Languages website to help you begin. Just click here to get to the page in no time. If you think you need to understand more about these 5 love languages, I strongly advise that you read the book. They are available online now and in all leading bookstores. I got mine pre-downloaded on my Kindle ebook reader.

There's nothing more important than understanding each other and speaking the right love language to keep our relationship strong and steady. Above all, however, it's still important that we put God as the head of our every relationship. The book has so much more to explain so if you think you and your partner need some reevaluation, this book might help you out.

What's good about the book is it is not just for couples, towards the end, it also talks about children and their love languages, because yes, even our kids have their own love languages and we need to be able to learn to express them right as that is when our children feel loved the most.

Have you read the 5 Love Languages yet? I'd love to hear what you have to say in the comments below. :)

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13 comments:

  1. I like this book, I even bought one for my husband. Few years ago, we also took a quiz about this so we found out our love language. My husband and I have different love language, pero same kami na last yung "Receiving of Gifts" so walang tampuhan pag wala gift na nabili sa special occasion. hehehe!

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    1. Ay gusto ko 'yang sa inyo! haha. Hindi rin masyado sa receiving gifts ang love language namin. More on quality time kami - siguro dahil LDR. lol.

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    2. Kaya mahirap sa akin ang LDR kasi Quality Time and Acts of Service ang love language ko. Kaya kelangan niya ko bigyan ng oras, hehehe! Check mo yung Dating Divas na site, doon ako nakakuha ng mga quiz or love challenge.

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    3. Oh? Nice, sige icheck ko 'yan. :)

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  2. This is a good read. I was able to get a copy last year but I have yet to finish it. I've taken the quiz, though, and found out my love language and I cannot agree with the quiz result more.

    I agree that we ought to find out what our partner's or child's love language is in order for us express our love for them more effectively.

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  3. I haven't taken the test but from what I know of myself I think my love language is either Quality Time or Words of Affirmation. My husband's would probably be Acts of Service. It's frustrating nga when a couple has different love languages. In our case, hubby doesn't talk much so he doesn't give a lot of verbal affirmations. But when I discovered his love language, I became more understanding of him and learned to appreciate more all his efforts. :)

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    1. It's really nice how this helps no? Kasi without learning each other's love language, mas mahirap talaga yun.

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  4. Ito yung sinasabi ni Caca at Bobet sa akin e na basahin ko, nakalimutan ko din kung sinabi mo din to sa akin. Pahiram ;)

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    1. Hindi mo nabanggit gaw, hehe. Pero tingnan ko kung pwede mapahiram, sa kindle kasi naka pre-install. :D

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  5. True, iba iba talaga ang pag-express ng love ng isang tao. Katulad ng partner ko, hindi sya masyadong affectionate. Kapag hindi mu sya kilala maiinis ka talaga at pwedng humantong pa sa hiwalayan. Pero if you two are committed on the relationship & understand each other you'll appreciate every little things.

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    1. Totoo 'yan. Kasi iba iba talaga ways para magpakita ng love sa isa't isa. Si Dane din, hindi masyado expressive, pero alam nalaman ko na din ano love language nya.

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  6. Everytime I take the love language test, I always get quality time. But the truth is, I know it's "receiving gifts" from the people I love that makes me feel loved. Not that I'm materialistic, but it's the thought that they remembered me and took time to choose a gift that they felt would make me happy.

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